Carol has just been through three years of hell with her ex-husband. With the help of her family and friends, she has finally managed to break free and get out of the relationship which has diminished her self worth and killed her trust in men in general. Despite being away from the man who has made her life miserable, she still has these nightmares, and the fear that she will never get over him, and the sufferings he has caused her.
Carol is only one among the thousands of women who have become victims of domestic violence. Like her counterparts, it took Carol a long time to finally get out of her destructive relationship. She has been making excuses for her husband, sometimes blaming herself for the verbal and physical abused that she suffered. She has gotten used to the emotional and physical pain. The problem was she was beginning to accept that it was all her fault and that it was normal.
That was when she decided to put a stop to it all, and left.
Fear of mental of physical abuse is not imaginary for women, like Carol, who has suffered in the hands of the person they trusted with their lives and who were supposed to love and protect them. It is hard to break free from such relationships because abuse is addicting. However, it is much harder to get over the fear of being mentally and physically abused.
It is easier to recognize physical abuse because it can sometimes leave a physical mark. Mental abuse is another thing because the only evidence it leaves behind is emotional scar.
Mental abuse is the fear of being subjected to acts or words that may seem ordinary. However, it takes months or years to recognize mental abuse, especially when you are taking it from someone close to you. Mental abuse can come in many forms like name-calling, yelling, screaming and threats. It can be as simple as being nagged everyday about simple things like keeping the house clean, or dressing and acting in a certain manner.
Physical abuse is recognized by the victim after being subjected to it for a long time. At first, it was just a slap on the face so it did not really matter. The next time, it was just a bruised and bleeding mouth and sore spots here and there. The third time and the succeeding abuses; the victim loses count of the extent of damage. The physical pain is erased by the sounds of crying and of the emotional stress and questions flooding the victim's mind.
The victim usually learns to accept the mental and physical abuse and even makes excuses for the abuse. More often not, the victims question themselves and their values. Sometimes, they accept the mental and physical abuse for fear that no one will accept and love them again.
These emotional pain, suffered by victims of mental and physical abuse, remains in their minds even if they are n o longer in the hands of their abusers. Thus, the fear of being abused once again keeps going back. Most do not subject themselves to therapy and the few ones who undergo treatment take years to heal. Sometimes, they never heal at all.
Victims of abuse find it hard to love and respect themselves again after being subjected to mental and physical hurt. Most of their self worth is lost, and all that remains is the fear. Fear of being abused again. Fear of rejection, and of not being accepted. Fear of causing the abuse and being responsible for the abuser's behavior.
Victims of mental and physical abuse must learn to accept their experience although such can never be forgotten. They must also learn to forgive their abusers as well as themselves for what happened. Forgiving the abusers does not mean the victim is taking the blame. It means being able to put a closure to that chapter of one's life, move on and live again.
Doing this is the first step towards healing. When they have learned to accept that things happened which they should not have allowed. And that hey have forgiven themselves and their abusers for that, then they would take the first step to finally becoming fully free of their fear. It is an acceptance, coupled with the belief that they can rise above their experiences and become better persons in the end.
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